In the words of Ronan Keating…
Life is, indeed, a rollercoaster.
Such a strange night.
I’ve felt like my singing has been pretty ropey over the past few nights; and at the end of the second set tonight, virtually burst into tears as soon as I came off stage.
(Being a professional, I did of course burst into tears out of sight, backstage.)
It was a combination of things: feeling like I was singing poorly, and that I’m just not fulfilling people’s expectations of me here - feeling like an amateur, I guess, not some pro from London who knows what she’s doing; feeling like I was ‘fire-fighting’ again on stage, not feeling confident about how we were sounding, and downhearted as a result; people not clapping and therefore feeling like I’m just rubbish, and failing in some way (see first ‘thing’); and, well, probably just an outpouring of stress of feeling all the above, on and off, for a few days now. Being surrounded by new people, being in a hotel, performing every night… It’s like I’m constantly ‘on show’, and, well, I just couldn’t hold it in any more. Feeling the tears coming, I grabbed L (the drummer) as soon as the set finished, and in the back room, sobbed a bit as I told him how I was feeling.
He was lovely, and reassured me that I sounded fine; that he and the band were all happy working with me; and that people here, well, “they don’t ‘get’ jazz. It’s difficult”. (Which goes back to this whole requests-for-pop-songs thing).
While I was in the midst of this outpouring to L, one of the bar staff told us that there was a Chinese gentleman who wanted to talk to me. L and I finished up; I wiped my eyes and hoped that they weren’t too smeared, and went out to meet the man in question.
He only turned out to be some bigwig from Marriott. He told me that he really liked what I did, and wanted to know if I’d be interested in playing the Marriott Hotel (or hotels, maybe there are several, I don’t know) in China sometime. He gave me his card, and said to give him a few months’ notice about when I wanted to do it.
Ten minutes’ earlier I’d been feeling like an utter failure; now I was being asked to come to China.
(Unfortunately - or possibly fortunately - the whole ‘human rights issue thing’ only hit me a few minutes later).
So, buoyed up by this unexpected meeting, and wondering just how bad those human rights abuses really are, I went back on stage for the final set: and my voice suddenly sounded ten times better. It sounded like it should; like it does when I’m on form.
It made me realise completely that I’m just not warming up enough before gigs; and that I should get to the bar much, much earlier of an evening to simply sit at the piano, or even just stand at the mic, and sing. I’ve never taken the idea of warming up very seriously in the past. But then, I’ve not had 18 sets a week to perform, on a stage, to a listening audience in the past, either. Lesson learned.
The evening took another twist at the very end of the night, too. Two 40/50-something women in the audience asked me to join them for a drink. One of them (A1 - all chat-chat-chat and hearty laugh) had asked for ‘Cry Me A River’ earlier in the evening, and I recognised her from a previous night, too. Anyway, she and her friend, A2, were just fab, and insisted that we all go out sometime. They gave me their numbers and suggested they take me and my friend V (who’s arriving on Saturday for a week-long visit), to Penang’s main beach resort, Batu Ferrenghi, next week. “Make sure you call me!” was A1’s parting shot.
And that, leedezengennelmen, was my night. Phew.
February 14th, 2008 at 2.29am
Wow, what a night! I’m not sure which is worse though, singing for marriott hotels or singing for marriott hotels in China! No, only joking. I know what you mean though and I’m not sure what I would do myself but I think I would go to China - hey, I’m a communist anyway. My dionysian inner self is saying “do it!”, my apollonian outer shell is saying “careful!”. Generally I listen to Dionysus, but then that’s what always gets me into trouble.
February 14th, 2008 at 2.32am
love your amazing, and i went all tingely when I got a mention ha ha my first shot at fame…… dizzy heights!
But back to you……. you are amazing, it takes a very special person to be a performer,not just a singer but to put on a show night after night, your doing it, that thing of being a pro and thats a huge leap in the actual “doing it bit every night” with springs attached. Of course you are a pro inside……
And yes exposure is happening which is great and yes I think Marriott might just have a few hundred posh hotels at least for you to entertain….. and as your first official groupie I may just have to visit you at all of them……re human rights the bigger issue might just be how much stuff we all buy from china!!
when you say my visit is just a week seems terribly short for a 32hr round trip!! but worth it I know
x
February 14th, 2008 at 1.26pm
…at this rate of course it is entirely possible that we will never see you again …you go to China, some man gives you a business card that takes you to somewhere even more far away and exotic. they could make a board game of it i reckon - the die roll shows how many gigs you play, chance is a random selection of Justin Timberlake songs that you have to sing, and places on the Board are 5 star hotels around the globe…hmmmmm…think i might just go and patent it right now….!!
seriously i think what you are doing is amazing - how you keep going night after night is just incredible - i certainly couldnt do it - but then i cant sing either !! enjoy that night out !!!!
February 14th, 2008 at 2.48pm
Peter - I know what you mean. myself, I’m usually a Dionysian girl; so my instinct is to say ‘yes’. especially after experiencing this little adventure.
Vic - you’re so sweet. thank you. do you want to be my Asian roadie? (note: you may have to bleach your hair, and wear more black).
Matt - I like the sound of the board game. perhaps we could call it ‘Risk’? no wait, hang on a minute…
February 14th, 2008 at 7.17pm
Andrea
I appreciate your qualms re China but if if was good enough for Wham! then it’s good enough for you. It’s hard to boycott China seeing as most of everything that doesn’t walk comes from there, and who knows, you might but a subversive influence! Which can’t be an altogether bad thing.
February 14th, 2008 at 9.06pm
I’ve just checked. http://www.marriott.com/hotel-search.mi There are 27 Marriott Hotels in China. So a two month tour in each would be 54 months long - exactly four and a half years. By which time there’d be about 12 more, another two years. The *canny* thing to do would be to say yes please and could it be August 2008? http://en.beijing2008.cn/
Hugh’s brother lives in Bejing, translating. Actually he’s a bit Lost In Translating being 10 years there. Currently translating a novel for Penguin written by the head of the secret police. Apparently it’s **** (censored adjective). All his photos seem to be of his cat though: http://www.flickr.com/photos/abiezer/
February 14th, 2008 at 9.14pm
Even my comedy call-to-prayer singing flashing mosque alarm clock was made in China. And the Koran, and the camel.
February 15th, 2008 at 1.23am
jazz, subversive?! well, yes, even in the UK it’s not exactly mainstream. we’ll see if anything comes of it.. but honestly, now I’m doing this, I just feel, like, “bring it onnnnnn!”. In a very Gallagher brothers sort of way.
February 15th, 2008 at 1.26am
Rachel - you one smart lady.
February 15th, 2008 at 3.37am
Dear Andrea,
Thank you for putting us forward as agents to the Marriott.
Sorry to hear about the first half of the night. I guess I am responsible in a way. As you know I tried my level best to get the best pianist. You are doing really well and please remember the standard of appreciation is at a different level in Malaysia compared to London. You are well appreciated in Penang.
As for the second half of the day and the China offer
I would say please go back to UK and have a long think about it.
Malaysia was meant to be a short adventure for you and a small launchpad for R and I Where else China…Singapore……Japan…Korea….India….Middle East…have all got a similar residency market. Once you check in you might never be able to leave until they dont want you anymore, by then it can be too late to do your album and everything else. (You can check in anytime you like but you can never leave……welcome to the hotel california)
All Cover bands in Asia sing this song almost every night, they hate it and love it at the same time.
You are good and you will keep getting better offers and learning more and more songs that the guests want to hear…..its all quiet addictive.
Whatever your decision, you have my support.
See You Soon
T
February 15th, 2008 at 4.18pm
T - thanks for all your comments. ‘Hotel California’, you say? well, the other night I did get asked to sing ‘Desperado’ - so maybe that shouldn’t surprise me… re. China: I think it could be another, very interesting, adventure to do some time, provided that the terms/conditions (terms and conditions?!) are right. no rush, but we’ll see, eh..?
February 15th, 2008 at 5.55pm
well, jazz can be very subbvesive. It helped bring down the regime in Czechoslovakia after all.
February 15th, 2008 at 6.13pm
speaking of which - have you seen the Tom Stoppard play ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll’? I saw it on Broadway a few months ago and it occured to me that you were probably the only person I know who would actually really understand, and thus enjoy, it
February 15th, 2008 at 8.02pm
I felt really pleased to read this post, because it seems to demonstrate that you are getting exactly what you wanted from this trip; a chance to learn new stuff, develop as a singer, experience a different kind of work in this industry, tackle new challenges, meet new audiences. It’s definitely doing all that for you isn’t it? Scary at times, depressing even, for sure, but you know…breaking eggs and making omelettes and all that. It’s also bringing you new opportunities, and possibly new directions for the future. Lots of ticks there, then!
February 15th, 2008 at 8.09pm
what is this, Cookery Corner? I don’t need this right now, Sarah!
yes, it’s doing all those things for me. it’s fascinating.. even when I’ve been low. it’s challenging me on so many levels, but 99% of the time, those challenges are proving to be at the very least interesting, and at the very most enormous fun.
to quote Henry Mancini: there’s such a lot of world to see…
February 15th, 2008 at 8.44pm
Was the Stoppard play comment directed at me, if so, thanks! But no, I haven’t seen it. I like the way you drop the “Broadway” refernce in there. very cool…. nice…..
February 15th, 2008 at 9.15pm
Executive omlettes aren’t made with broken eggs
February 15th, 2008 at 10.09pm
Eggsecutive omlettes surely?
February 16th, 2008 at 2.52am
can I refer you all to this sketch once again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhlPCsbjRz8
Pete - yes, that comment was directed at you. I refuse to be self-conscious about dropping in references to ’seeing something on Broadway’. although, of course, I was.
February 16th, 2008 at 11.07pm
Yes that’s where my comment was inspired. It’s the best bit of the sketch. Don’t they look young, bless. x
I’ve seen something on Broadway. Or was it Off Broadway. Definitely not Off Off Broadway but definitely on a side street. I saw Gabriel Byrne and his little blue eyes were visibly twinkling from all the way over up on stage.
It’s odd - in the second half all the audience rearrange themselves into seats that haven’t been sold. So they must spend a lot of time in the first half looking at the seating rather than the stage.
And the doors to the auditorium come out almost directly onto the street. I felt short changed of a chance for a drink in the foyer.
R x
February 17th, 2008 at 1.18am
Well I saw Mulholland Drive the week it came out in Greenwich village and about 10 of us from the audience at in the auditorium afterward and had an impromptu seminar on what it meant, then went out into “the Village” for a meal and drinks afterwards. How cool is that! And yes, the exit went straight out into the street there too.
February 17th, 2008 at 3.18pm
Rach - yes, that bit’s brilliant, isn’t it. “I don’t need this right now, Gordon!”.
And yes, the theatre where I saw the Tom Stoppard play had doors which led out directly onto the street, too. Always throws me.
Pete - doors leading out of a cinema auditorium onto the street aren’t quite so weird ;-). that sounds like a very Greenwich Village experience you had, there; the sort of thing that happens in a Woody Allen film but which you never think would in real life. only, clearly, it does.
February 17th, 2008 at 9.45pm
It did indeed feel very woody allen. I expected Marshall Mcluahan to step out from behind a plant pot at any minute.