Upset, upset, sadness, sadness
It was a nice gig last night; I chatted quite a bit to two of the American guys who have been coming to the club fairly regularly, and who are going back to Ohio today. I will especially miss B, a (I’m guessing) 50-something pacifist, actor and lover of standards, who’s been propping up the bar just about every night. He said: “I’m really going to miss just being able to wander down the hall and hear great live jazz every night.” Aww.
So, a lovely, friendly night… which then all turned horribly, horribly sour at the end.
Something happened, and I’m afraid I won’t - can’t - explain here exactly what it was; but suffice it to say that it was horrible, nasty, unbelievably hurtful, highly personal (as in, directed very specifically at me), and came a massive shock.
It left me shell-shocked and upset and questioning just about everything.
My first instinct was to call home; to call my parents, or a good friend, or B.
But then I realised the person to call was T.
Who responded in his usual, wonderful, supportive way: telling me how well-liked - no, loved - I am by the people here; saying that this was just one jealous individual. He then sent L to come and find me, who also helped enormously. These guys are like my big brothers out here, and I don’t know what I’d do without their care and support.
Maybe at later date I will explain what happened; or maybe not. But I just wanted to explain why I might not post anything particularly interesting today, or respond to all your comments right now, given how I’m feeling.
That said: I woke up to a text message from R asking me if I was free at lunchtime to have a little rehearsal with him, because he’d like to do some recording with me while I’m here. My first instinct was to say no, and to hibernate. But then I thought: this is exactly the sort of thing I need to do when something bad happens. And so I got up, jumped into the pool (actually, that wasn’t strictly speaking the next direct step), and now sit here in the Business Centre, awaiting my pick-up.
In short: I’m not going to let the bastards - or rather: bastard - get me down. And the show must go on. And all that.
February 29th, 2008 at 4.56pm
Hi love,
As I said on the phone this person “does NOT know YOU” and couldn’t of got you more wrong. They are coming from a very sad place and I know tomorrow with more sleep and rest you will feel better about it.
All the people we met together and spent time with genuinely like you and think you are the fab person you truly are, and really thats all that matters.
Anyone else is nothing short of a bottom dweller coward.
Big big hugs and love vix xx
February 29th, 2008 at 5.04pm
Itsounds dreadful, whatever it was, but it is not likely to mean anything to you in a month’s time. Some people are just shits.
February 29th, 2008 at 5.20pm
A you do the right thing: turn the other cheek and move on! You’re not wasting your energies and thoughts on little swine but focusing on your lovely self. xx
February 29th, 2008 at 5.30pm
Aww my friend, so sorry to hear the horrible news. I’ve spoken to Vic. I can’t but help think of how shocked you must be. So, horrible, and so out of the blue. It’s so freaky, and hurtful. I hope you’re feeling better now. It deserves none of your precious time and attention. Absolutely get out there and recording. Good on you! xxx
Ps, was hoping to speak to you. Call me if you like. Vic reminded me of the skype method ;-).
Pps, yep, agree with Peter, some people just behave like shits.
February 29th, 2008 at 5.38pm
Hi Andrea, you must carry on doing exactly what you have been doing and try and have more fun today. The minute brained human who renamed your pics and added those horrible pics to your folder is never ever going to experience the wonderful things that you are experiencing and you will experience in his lifetime. Jealousy is a strange beast for an idle mind. Can you imagine what a tormented and frustrated person he is. So remember we all love you, your band loves you, your fans love you. The owner and the GM has loved everything you have done that they have given me the full liberty to carry on with our jazz theme for the venue. So you are doing everything right.
February 29th, 2008 at 5.46pm
thank you so much, everyone xxx
February 29th, 2008 at 8.03pm
Whoever it was and whatever it was, you can’t let them get you down - you are above that and they are beneath contempt. Remember what everyone else - here and elsewhere - says and grit your teeth, stand up and have the wonderful time you deserve and are mostly having. This person deserves no more than the brief mention you have given them, except perhaps to remind you that while we allow people to say what they like - we don’t have to listen to them or take any notice of what they say. A big hug from Canada xoxo
February 29th, 2008 at 8.05pm
thanks Andrew. x
February 29th, 2008 at 8.20pm
T, thanks for your kind and loving support towards are very much loved friend. I know it much comfort to us that she has a trusted friend over there looking out for her.
I wish I had spent sometime with you during my trip I suppose I thought we would have another opportunity and rather regret going off to bed on the day I arrived.
Ho Hum….. maybe next time or when you are in London.
Anyway, thanks again
Vic
February 29th, 2008 at 11.18pm
Blimey I dont who he is or what he said but I want to fly over, twist his nose, knee his balls & force-feed him spam!
February 29th, 2008 at 11.32pm
shall we do him together sarah? I’ll hold him while you go for the nuts.
February 29th, 2008 at 11.33pm
and the spam
March 1st, 2008 at 12.38am
yes & once we’ve twa**ed the jealous, bitter little swine we can continue our very enjoyable argument about aethism/PR/religion & 1930’s American trade unions over a bananna leaf curry
March 1st, 2008 at 12.48am
indeed, as long as you don’t try to force feed me spam.
By the way, have you ever seen anything as ridiculous as the Spam Up ad campaign on telly? It must be a joke musn’t it?
I have set up a blog as well now, for more political debate and spam fritters. Click on the link in my name and join us!
March 1st, 2008 at 1.30am
I’ve always preferred salt and vinegar crisps.
March 1st, 2008 at 1.32am
yuk. That’s just wrong.
March 1st, 2008 at 1.32am
I mean “other” of course
March 1st, 2008 at 1.44am
Don’t you ‘other’ me. Or my crisps.
March 10th, 2008 at 3.47am
hi andrea,
it’s so good, that you have so wonderful friends all over the world! I’m glad to read all the support on this nasty matter! I agree with all of your friends and especially sarah’s and peter’s way would give us all great satisfaction!!!!! you are strong and charismatic and these attributs in combination may be just too much for a weak person who wants these things for himself so very badly. I really hope truly that you have stood up against this bad behaviour. and as i know you (when i still know you) you will stand over it! enjoy your time over there and don’t put too much energy into this anymore. this idiot doesn’t deserve it! you are so full of positive energy and unfortunately when there is so much light there is also shadow, but your are the light - so leave this shadow behind and go on with all your strength
……… big hug to you and you are not alone!
March 10th, 2008 at 3.46pm
thank you Rotraud.. you’re so sweet. xx