“For every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction.”

Newton’s law popped into my head as I lay on the bed just now, tears streaming down my face.

As it does.

I think the tears are a direct, and very natural, response to the situation I’m finding myself in.

Today, I feel ready to come home now please thank you very much.

And I am missing someone.

So these tears feel like the explicable, direct result of those feelings; as opposed to the, in theory, inexplicable tears of depression.

But then, I take issue in a way with those who describe depression in purely chemical/biological terms, that depression is ‘inexplicable’ but for the actions of neurotransmitters and levels of serotonin streaming (or not) through one’s system.

Depression is debilitating because, once it has gripped you, it is hard to fight. And that is, indeed, its chemical USP. As one writer (I forget who) put it: no evil mastermind could come up with a more cruel weapon to use against people than depression, an illness which by its very nature robs one of the ability to overcome it.

But the fact that it grips you in the first place… well, I am a firm believer in depression being a symptom of something else.

An equal and opposite reaction.

Depression is the physical manifestation - the natural result - of all not being well emotionally/mentally. And in many ways, thank goodness for that.

I read the case for this argument not long ago, in fact, in this interesting Guardian article by psychiatrist Paul Keedwell, who argues that depression is a very natural, understandable and necessary part of the human condition.

B would often argue with me that depression was chemical. And while it clearly helps him - and many others - to see it in this way; it conversely helps me not to see depression like that. It helps me to understand depression’s root; to want to dig deep. Because then, and only then, by finding the cause (or more likely: causes) do I feel that I can properly tackle it, and break free of its grip.

And after much digging, I feel that I can explain my depression; that I do understand its causes. But still it debilitates, as I say, and makes it hard to bring yourself back, no matter how well you now feel you understand yourself.

I have strong doubts that my anti-depressants are working for me; but, not being a fool, will at least remain on them until I am back home and can see my doctor again.

And in the meantime… In the meantime, I will try to ride it out; and to not give myself a hard time for having feelings that are, when all is said and done, probably just an equal and opposite reaction. Ah, that Newton was a bright fella… A physicist, quite possibly a psychologist - and who knew that he could also make lovely fig biscuits?

“And my heart won’t beat

Until I wrap my arms around you.”

1. Swifts swoop over your head and skim the water as you’re swimming.

2. When working outdoors, the keys on your black laptop get so hot that you can only bear to touch them lightly, your fingers moving like feet over hot tarmac.

3. You get a dodgy tummy from eating spicy food two days in a row.

Actually, I guess the latter does happen in England. Just not to me.

I spent this afternoon with CC. Or to be more precise: CC, and a film SLR camera. Or to be even more precise: CC, a film SLR camera and my little Canon Ixus.

CC is not only a bassist and jazz fan, but a keen amateur photographer who works in one of the camera/photographic shops in the mall next door; and a thoroughly nice guy, to boot.

He is also, it transpires, a brilliant tour guide.

As he had the day off today, we decided to go on a little photographic expedition in Georgetown. I took with me the film SLR B has kindly leant me - and when I ran out of all 36 exposures (which took about, erm, an hour), I switched to digital.

First stop was lunch - curry mee soup served in typical Penang style, ie. down a ramshackle alley. And, rather bizarrely, with white toast soldiers with butter and some sort of sweet spread on them.

Second stop: roaming the streets of Georgetown, taking photos; and CC leading me into a massive building not unlike Smithfields Market, which turned out to contain second-hand book stalls that you could get happily lost in. Imagine the final scene of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, and you’ll get some sense of it.

Third stop: more streets and alleyways (and CC all along pointing out interesting places and buildings). By this point, I was using my digital camera:

The last one is an election sticker for the ruling coalition party - ‘Keep Reinventing’ being their slogan. Actually, say what you like about Malaysian politics (and I have) but their elections do at least brighten the place up - there are banners and flags everywhere, festooned across the streets, or waving on flagpoles along the sides of the roads. It’s all very festive, until you realise what they’re actually promoting:

Third stop: one of the Chinese jetties. It turns out that there are a whole series of Chinese jetties near the pier in Penang; Chinese in the sense that they were established long ago by various clans of Chinese immigrants, and are now inhabited by descendants or by those otherwise allowed to own a house there. Well, less a house as more a shack on stilts… But glancing inside you could see that these were pretty spacious shacks; and it was a fascinating little community that we walked through:

See? It’s not unlike a Malaysian Venice.

And so to the fourth and final stop: Cornwallis, the old fort in Penang that was established by, yes, the Brits. And here’s the intrepid Captain Francis Light himself:

Fort Cornwallis was actually pretty dire: a delapidated little area that was part museum, part falling apart, sea-faring theme park. They even blast out classical music as you walk around. And for no apparent reason, there are three semi-wild ponies roaming the place. Very odd.

One advantage to taking photos alongside someone who works in a photographic place is that, upon completion of the film, you can just hand it over to them for processing :-). If any of them turn out to be any good, I’ll get them scanned and posted too. In the meantime, you can see the rest of today’s shoot over here. And yes, they include obligatory pictures of - you guessed it - teeny tiny cats! Hurrah!