Newton’s law of depression
“For every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction.”
Newton’s law popped into my head as I lay on the bed just now, tears streaming down my face.
As it does.
I think the tears are a direct, and very natural, response to the situation I’m finding myself in.
Today, I feel ready to come home now please thank you very much.
And I am missing someone.
So these tears feel like the explicable, direct result of those feelings; as opposed to the, in theory, inexplicable tears of depression.
But then, I take issue in a way with those who describe depression in purely chemical/biological terms, that depression is ‘inexplicable’ but for the actions of neurotransmitters and levels of serotonin streaming (or not) through one’s system.
Depression is debilitating because, once it has gripped you, it is hard to fight. And that is, indeed, its chemical USP. As one writer (I forget who) put it: no evil mastermind could come up with a more cruel weapon to use against people than depression, an illness which by its very nature robs one of the ability to overcome it.
But the fact that it grips you in the first place… well, I am a firm believer in depression being a symptom of something else.
An equal and opposite reaction.
Depression is the physical manifestation - the natural result - of all not being well emotionally/mentally. And in many ways, thank goodness for that.
I read the case for this argument not long ago, in fact, in this interesting Guardian article by psychiatrist Paul Keedwell, who argues that depression is a very natural, understandable and necessary part of the human condition.
B would often argue with me that depression was chemical. And while it clearly helps him - and many others - to see it in this way; it conversely helps me not to see depression like that. It helps me to understand depression’s root; to want to dig deep. Because then, and only then, by finding the cause (or more likely: causes) do I feel that I can properly tackle it, and break free of its grip.
And after much digging, I feel that I can explain my depression; that I do understand its causes. But still it debilitates, as I say, and makes it hard to bring yourself back, no matter how well you now feel you understand yourself.
I have strong doubts that my anti-depressants are working for me; but, not being a fool, will at least remain on them until I am back home and can see my doctor again.
And in the meantime… In the meantime, I will try to ride it out; and to not give myself a hard time for having feelings that are, when all is said and done, probably just an equal and opposite reaction. Ah, that Newton was a bright fella… A physicist, quite possibly a psychologist - and who knew that he could also make lovely fig biscuits?
March 6th, 2008 at 6.49pm
oh dear, now I feel really bad about that last quip! There was a very intersting programme about depression (or at least social anxiety, which I know is not the same thing, but as far as I can tell, the diagnosis and the treatment is the same) and that was saying that actually there is very little evidence that the drugs work because depressiona nd social anxiety are just a natural part of being a human being, part of the hum of every day life, like a wshing machine makes a load of noise but that is not its primary purpose, it just goes with the territory. However Glaxo-Smith Klein actually hired an advertising agency in order to convince people not (as you might expect) that they needed treatment but that they actually had “social anxiety” which needed treatment. So they ran a poster campaign with people looking awkward in social situations, staring into their drinks at parties etc. so that they would go to the doctor, get medicalized and then be prescribed some pills made by - guess who?! And now, apparently, this previously unknown psychological “illness”, the piss artist formally known as shyness, has been artificially created. So, what am I saying? I guess I am wondering if it is possible to talk oneself into depression. I know I have done it in the past and the drugs, in my case alcohol rather than seroxat, was just my way of talking myself out of it. So, I think drugs can only work if you are capable of self-medicating on placeboes (is there an e in there or have I got the Dan Quayle disease?) - as long as you believe they are real. Drugs are one male response, yes, though I believe it is mainly women who take them - though they probably have more depressed about, living as they do with men - the other male response is “pull yourself together” (one I succumb to sometimes). The other, i think the wise one is to say, as you do, “well, I’m depressed, that’s interesting, I wonder why? It’ll pass”. And it does. I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. You are a long way from home, it is a fun though stressful life, you are performing every night - and public performance is a real arenaline kick as we know, and has a come down - you have just gone through a really tough pesonal time. But despite of all that you are not a wallower, you are a doer and that will get you through. And I’m sorry again for the quip
March 6th, 2008 at 10.34pm
Well, I suppose there is feeling depressed, which is something we all are liable to and which is a perfectly normal reaction to circumstances, and then there is depression which is a clinical state and for which there are medications. And some of them work better than others and sometimes they don’t seem to be working at all - but perhaps they are keeping you from feeling even worse. In any case you should obviously see your doctor when you get back. But it is perfectly ok - and more than that - to feel low because, amongst so much else - you are missing someone you love. Combined with everything else that’s going on, it would be bizarre if you didn’t feel a little overwhelmed by these feelings at times. But you are resilient and strong and you’ll be fine - and we are all very proud of everything you are doing. As you should be, too. A great big warm hug from (still snowy - and more yet to come) Canada
March 6th, 2008 at 11.11pm
Sending support your way … been dealing with the blues all week. And it’s my birthday week, so how fair is that? (Which reminds me … we met almost one year ago.)
Depression is chemical but it’s also very environmental. It bugs me when someone, usually a guy who has never dealt with his own problems, will say, “just take a pill,” as if that will just fix everything. Nope. You’re right — being sad about depressing things is a natural part of life, and I don’t trust anybody who thinks otherwise.
March 7th, 2008 at 1.13am
thank you all for your supportive and helpful comments. I’m so lucky to know people like you.
Ms FoundClothing (has it really been a year?!) - happy birthday. and I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with the blues, too. am sending you virtual love and support from quite literally the other the end of the world; and hope your feelings pass soon.
Andrew/Peter - yes, I do acknowledge the chemical state of depression; like I say, once you are suffering from it, it most certainly has a chemical aspect - and in fact, this biological reaction is then in some ways the most overpowering side of it (ie more so than social or environmental). I just dispute the idea that it is purely chemical in the first place, that some people are simply ‘wired’ that way. Could that be so? Or is it, as we’re saying (and that programme’s findings are fascinating, Peter - thanks for that), part of the human condition and simply a natural response to living on this planet? As the Russians say: if you wake up feeling nothing, then you know you’re dead…
March 7th, 2008 at 1.32am
No, I don’t think that people are ‘wired’ that way, either, just that sometimes circumstances create a chemical reaction in us that needs help to cope with. I think it can happen to pretty much anyone, given the right conditions. And, I think it was a Greek philosopher who argued two and a half millennia ago that happiness was something that you could only define by reference to the opposite feeling.
March 7th, 2008 at 3.40am
And today we hear that Glaxo Smith Klein are revealed as having withheld the research findings which may show that there is an increased risk of suicides amongst young males taking seroxat. Just when you kind of start making your peace with capitalism the big corporations and just take your breath away with their cynical manipualtion of people. They will make money, even unto death. On the filp side, the advantages of western liberalism is that there is enough independence of the media and investegatory powers to find out some of these abuses, you just wonder what we don’t find out.
March 7th, 2008 at 12.56pm
Andrew - “I think it can happen to pretty much anyone, given the right conditions.” So true. Part of the whole ‘part of the human condition’ argument. I feel guilty in a way, feeling this way when I am healthy and lead a really very comfortable and happy life. But that is part of the stigma of depression (’what do you have to complain about?’). I wouldn’t be surprised at all if virtually every human being has experienced a bout of depression, however mild or shortlived; or however it has manifested itself.
Peter - dear god, that is frightening. and saddening. and yet not unsurprising, of course. incidentally, what you said about Glaxo’s advertising campaign made me think of another wonderful example of capitalism, the kudos of diamonds, and how De Beers simply constructed advertising campaigns, back in the day, to make people want them. The whole ‘month’s salary’ crap, for example - which people think is some sort of wonderful tradition - came directly out of that.
March 7th, 2008 at 4.05pm
Yes, advertising is the arse of the devil and what it produces stinks accordingly.
March 7th, 2008 at 4.08pm
There is a great programme on at the moment about advertising in the 1950s in the US. I can’t remember what it is called, something with Men in the title and it is great. It shows the cynicism of the whole thing (although being Hollywood it also shows the poor, tortured nature of the ad men). Mind you, if I were on of the actors I would sue the tv company for making the smoke constantly. The story last weeks was how to carry on advertising cigarettes even though they had evidence that it was causing death on a massive scale.
March 7th, 2008 at 4.20pm
sounds brilliant.. which channel is it on?
March 7th, 2008 at 5.02pm
I just wrote a whole treatise based on my own experience, but I’ll email it to Andrea direct. In essence - the drugs don’t work, but they’ll help you engage with what does, which is structured supportive examination of ones life with another person. This allows scrutiny to the level of pain, because the other person will not allow us to cop out, and will be able to do for us what is impossible for any person and that is turn objective what is always subjective. There’s salience in the ’so you seem to be saying that the world/you/they are like this’ and in hearing it realising how damaging/dangerous/ridicuous/justifiable that position is. In other words my GP said I wasn’t allowed to have the pills without the therapy. And therapist and I were so engaged in the therapy (I believe I was actually teaching counsellors at the time*) that I stayed on longer than the NHS allowed so that I could continue my arguments against CBT. There was a good line on the News Quiz about that: the layman’s term for CBT is ‘pull your socks up’.
So Andrea is entirely right - getting to the root of oneself is the key.
* Experience of teaching counsellors: Ask ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. Answer comes: “Well this leaves me with the feeling that …”
March 7th, 2008 at 5.06pm
The Ad men thing has just started last week on BBC4.
March 7th, 2008 at 5.09pm
I agree completely, Rachel. as in: the drugs hopefully alleviate things so that you then have the strength to address what needs addressing, namely: what triggered your depression in the first place. I’m glad you received the correct treatment from your GP - mine seemed happy to doll out ADs like sweets. as the cliche goes.
March 7th, 2008 at 5.10pm
ahh, thanks John. now the BBC iPlayer works with Macs, I should be able to catch that.
March 7th, 2008 at 5.11pm
hmm… scrap that. it may be Mac compatible, but it won’t stream outside the UK. boooo!
March 7th, 2008 at 5.12pm
It might be restricted to the UK only though for copyright reasons
March 7th, 2008 at 5.17pm
you just beat me to it…
March 7th, 2008 at 5.29pm
March 7th, 2008 at 7.04pm
But they won’t be prosecuted because even though their behaviour was “unethical”, it is not technically illegal. What was that Marx wrote in the Communist Manifesto about the law simply being part of the adminstrative wing of the bourgeoisie?
March 7th, 2008 at 7.43pm
I don’t know - let’s go to the Lock In
March 7th, 2008 at 7.52pm
see you over there. I’ve already got the drinks in.
March 7th, 2008 at 10.06pm
We’re really hoping you will join us as a regular fixture from now on - wherever you might be.
Liked this blog piece, btw. I agree that in some cases there is (are) definite external reasons for depression rearing its ugly head, but I’m also aware of friends who have experienced depression without any external provocation, much in the same way as puberty just switches itself on.
Highest and speak soon.
Sean
March 7th, 2008 at 10.15pm
Is your name really Kirkegaard? Gosh. Imagine if I were Rachel Wittgenstein. Everyone would expect me to be really clever.
March 8th, 2008 at 1.56am
Sean - great stuff, thanks for having me back :-). I really do think I disagree about there being no external provocation for depression, though. even though it can come and go, seemingly with no rhyme or reason, I believe there is always an external source for it in the first occurance (or manifestation). hence pills and therapy being the best solution: one (pills) allows you to cope enough to then deal with the source (therapy). pills on their own are not enough. and if it was solely chemical, then in theory, they would be.
March 8th, 2008 at 1.56am
PS yes I know, Rachel - cool surname, oder?
March 8th, 2008 at 7.58am
Peter Trotsky-Rorty, nee Marx, where do you stand on this? Reminds me of Karl being asked apopros his getting a 1st and therefore special treatment by his mother (double chips) and by the Chancellor at the ceremony who woke up for special people and asked, “Any relation?”.
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