And I feel like I’m clinging to a cloud
A silly thing happened today. I was looking at videos of old jazz performances on YouTube, and found myself going from link to link to link until I ended up watching a few scenes from a film I’ve never seen before.
(I think the sequence of events was Betty Carter > Charlie Haden > Charlie Haden & Pat Metheney > film clip.)
The film was Two For The Road - and the reason I was led there is that Charlie Haden and Pat Metheney, on their lovely album Beyond The Missouri Sky, played the theme tune from this movie, which is by Henry Mancini. Apparently ‘Two For The Road’ was his own favourite out of all the songs that he wrote.
But that’s by the by.
Two For The Road was made in 1967 and stars Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney as a married couple going through a bad time; and the movie traces their relationship in the form of flashbacks. Like I say, I’ve never seen it - I just gathered this from the clips on YouTube and from the write-up on IMdb.com.
But once again: that’s all by the by.
The reason I’m writing this is that one of the clips made me cry. And it doesn’t matter really very much what it was about… Because what I’ve realised is that I’m finding it difficult, these days, to watch lovers. Or actors pretending to be lovers.
I get up on stage and sing love songs every night; and yet I am yearning, longing for love. And feeling its absence so acutely that it hurts. I feel like I’m clinging to something, and barely hanging on to it.
It’s two years ago to the weekend that I met B.
And I miss him.
And my heart is at a loss. And I don’t quite know what to do.
Maybe I shouldn’t even publish this.
But what the hell…
Night night, all.
March 28th, 2008 at 1.48am
Sending you a hug, my friend. Sleep well. xxx
March 28th, 2008 at 6.03am
And a hug from here too
March 28th, 2008 at 6.19am
some more top up hugs for your pocket enough to lasts till you arrive home
nite nite god bless you.
C.
March 28th, 2008 at 7.12am
feeling v much the same myself love
& couldn’t be less interested in all the f***king fish in all the f***ing seas
March 28th, 2008 at 7.19am
I just watched Annie Hall; I didn’t find it funny. Wry and truthful - about the missing and not being with and not being able to be with or without. And then it ends by not ending, conclusively.
Enjoy your last gig and then you’ll be home, missing and being with, again and still.
xx
March 28th, 2008 at 11.14am
thanks everyone, you’re very sweet.
Rachel - you’re right about Annie Hall. and it’s one of my favourite films. maybe a re-watching is in order when I get back. it normally makes me laugh out loud, but given what you say, maybe it wouldn’t right now.
Sarah - indeed.. here’s to our one lobsters ;-(. thinking of you and giving you a big hug, dearest friend xxx.
March 28th, 2008 at 8.51pm
hugs will be delivered at silly hour very soon now…. we miss you, looking forward to having you back big time
xx
March 28th, 2008 at 9.43pm
A - I couldn’t fall for Woody Allen though, so I had to work hard at the believability (real word?) of the film. For some reason I knew you had a connection to this film. Whether this is a 15 year old memory of a Bar One beer garden conversation or simply imagined, I did think of you when Diane Keaton started singing. Not that her voice is like yours of course. x
March 29th, 2008 at 2.21am
I fell 4 Woody Allen hard - the first time I ever saw him play cello in a Marching band in Take the Money & Run. What a mind! What glasses! I love him, i loooove him, i luff him with 2 f’s!
March 29th, 2008 at 5.28am
Sarah - ha! that’s one of my favourite Woody Allen scenes. and yes, can toootally get the attraction. absolument.
Rachel - am flattered by the Diane Keaton analogy. say what you like about her singing chops, she does deliver that song so well in that scene..
March 29th, 2008 at 6.04pm
That was the first “art” film I ever saw, in London in 1977, when I was 17. I date my interest in things intellectual from watching Annie Hall actually, realising that there was more to life than I had thought. And though I didn’t fancy him, I wanted to BE Wody Allen. Still wouldn’t say no
March 29th, 2008 at 7.55pm
I did fancy Diane Keaton though.
March 29th, 2008 at 9.05pm
who wouldn’t? or indeed, woodn’t?
March 30th, 2008 at 3.04am
Watch this - someone else who can flair their nostrils like me!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sCVLaS17Sik
Bursting to see you, kid.
x
March 30th, 2008 at 5.27am
aww, thanks Maz :-). love it. x