(With a nod to Will).

1. The first hour of a film told from several viewpoints, and going back in time, is a lot of fun.

2. The following 25 minutes get progressively sillier; especially the dialogue.

3. The final five minutes are embarrassing; especially the dialogue.

4. You really can’t beat a shot of a big old European building being blown up. Repeatedly.

5. *SPOILER ALERT* It’s entirely feasible that a body double would stand in for the President of the United States at a major world summit; and that nobody would notice. Including a faithful bodyguard.

6. Spanish people are so hot-blooded, that of course terrorism would be the natural next step.

7. Spanish terrorists are also very handsome and brooding. Though their motives are still slightly unclear.

8. European city streets are far more conducive to exciting car chases than American city streets, being a) narrower and b) full of pavement cafes.

9. William Hurt has now joined that elite group of actors, namely Exactly The Right Ones To Play A Fictional President Of The United States. (Other members include: Harrison Ford, Gene Hackman, Jeff Bridges, Michael Douglas, Bill Pullman and Martin Sheen.)

10. Watching The West Wing spoils you for any further film or TV show depicting the inner workings of the Presidency.

11. Malaysians take phonecalls in the cinema.

12. Malaysians leave the cinema literally as soon as the first credit appears.

13. It’s quite difficult to get out of the seventh floor of a shopping mall when all the main exits are closed.

…and I’m feeling good.

The opposition took control of Penang (and a few other states) tonight.

Read here and here (ahh, good ol’ foreign media!).

It’s a very big deal over here, and could possibly mark a sea-change in the political trend of the country.

It was quiet in the bar tonight as a result of the election fever. A fact which I addressed when I first walked on stage and said “Thank you for being here… on election night”.

Someone whooped in the audience.

I said: “I hear the opposition won tonight”.

Another whoop.

Me: “Am I allowed to express an opinion?”

Voice at bar: “Yes!”

Me: “I’m glad the opposition won”.

Absolute silence… bar another whoop at the bar.

This may be my last post before I’m deported.

Penang, it’s been nice knowin’ ya!

1. Swifts swoop over your head and skim the water as you’re swimming.

2. When working outdoors, the keys on your black laptop get so hot that you can only bear to touch them lightly, your fingers moving like feet over hot tarmac.

3. You get a dodgy tummy from eating spicy food two days in a row.

Actually, I guess the latter does happen in England. Just not to me.

I’ve been asked for a music update, so here you go…

1. Jakarta may not be happening. The person concerned has gone quiet on us; and as T pointed out, some people may talk the talk here, but not necessarily see things through.

2a. A customer who was in the other night, from Canada, chatted to me very enthusiastically and gave me his business card, and when I gave him mine, asked me for another one to pass on to the people at the Hilton Kuala Lumpur, because he stays there a lot and said he would tell them about me. I didn’t think much of it… Until I got an email yesterday from, yes, the Hilton Kuala Lumpur expressing an interest in me playing there later this year. The person in question is going to come over to Penang for the day (it’s about an hour’s flight) to meet me and here me sing. A gig there would be great: we’re truly talking Lost In Translation-stylee hotel, here…

2b. The girl who’s currently singing at the Hilton Kuala Lumpur has also emailed me, to say hello.

2c. As has the next person from London due to come out here to Penang, in June/July.

3. Gigs have been going fine. There was a crowd of women in the other night, who demanded ‘music we can dance to!’ which led to a massive medley of songs which left me slightly exhausted. And then last night was quiet again; although I did have my quickest request to join a group of customers for a drink yet, being accosted quite literally the moment I walked through the door.

The person in question was H, who’s something of a regular there, and who was drinking with colleagues and friends both Malaysian and American. He requested ‘Crazy’, and I duly obliged.

By the end of the night, his group had left and there were literally three people in the audience, which at least led us to be a little silly on stage, and to finish the night off with a request from the bar staff - ‘Bye Bye Blackbird’ - during which everyone in the band took a solo, L and I traded fours, and we ended up with all sorts of nonsense… As I said to L at the end: it was a classic case of ‘playing as though nobody’s watching’. In a good way.

The playing hasn’t been perfect, by any means, lately. But the guys definitely have their ears open more; and so even when something untoward happens, they are hanging in there and recovering better. I used last Saturday’s rehearsal to go through some more new songs; but, as I did previously, I’m going to use this coming one to go over them again and tighten up our arrangements.

4. I’m trying to find a good chart for ‘Sway’. And then ‘It Had Better Be Tonight’. Michael Buble - I give in.

There’s a general election taking place in Malaysia right now; and the votes have already started coming in (over here, it seems as if this process happens over a matter of days, if not weeks, as opposed to on one night).

The ruling party - or strictly speaking: coalition party - Barisan Nasional has so far won all of them, I think. And in some cases: unopposed.

Barisan Nasional has governed Malaysia for the past fifty years. Fifty years. Or to put it another way: every year that it’s been independent from us Brits.

Given that Malaysia is a Muslim country (Islam is the official religion - although others are practiced openly here, too), Barisan Nasional is, unsurprisingly, a right-wing coalition. Its dominance of Malaysian politics is such that when the date of the election was announced, the front page of the New Straits Times (which is linked to the BN) carried a graphic of the current make-up of parliament in which virtually every ‘little man’ was coloured blue. Underneath, it had the number of seats held by each party. Which is as follows:

Barisan Nasional - 198

DAP (the main opposition: a secular, multi-race, social democratic party) - 12

Barisan Alternatif (a coalition of opposition parties) - 8

Others - 1

198 out of 218 seats. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that there isn’t much of a political opposition in Malaysia.

And this lack of opposition, and lack of dissent, is part of the make-up of Malaysia, I’m finding. There’s an awful lot of talk in the papers and from politicians about ‘wanting peace’ and people not letting their ‘emotions’ affect their decision at the ballot box - undoubtedly a response to political rallies and demonstrations in recent months - and it strikes me that the government here is keen to keep its people quiet, and under-the-thumb.

On the one hand, you could argue that they don’t have much to dissent about. Malaysia is, by South East Asian standards, a very prosperous and safe country. But as an outsider stepping in, talking to people and reading the national papers every day, it seems that dissent and criticism of the status quo, of the government, is not encouraged - and you see this both in what Malaysians are willing to accept; and by the level of analysis by political writers. Which is, to put it kindly, limited - even though acres of press are devoted to national politics - although not unsurprising, seeing as the two main English language papers (which are the two available at the hotel, incidentally) are linked to the ruling coalition.

These papers read like newsletters you receive through your door from local parties during election time, telling you what good work the government has been doing, how much money they have given to this project and that group, reporting verbatim what ministers announce without much, if any, criticism, and so on. Every day is a good news day here in Malaysia.

But back to the lack of dissent, and the two conversations/news stories that have hit me most thus far (apart from learning that the BN was completely unopposed in some of its winning seats in this election).

One: S, the bass player, told me that they were “lucky” in Malaysia, because the internet isn’t censored here.

Two: This story in the New Straits Times, subtitled: “Undergraduates found to be actively involved in politics risk losing their government scholarships.” Read the report in full, but this is a choice quote from the Higher Education Minister:

“The number of university students involved in active politics is just a handful, but I believe the majority of them is with the government. These are rational students who appreciate and understand what the government has done for them and the people all these years.”

So: if the government gave you your scholarship, woe betide you if you criticise them. No, wait: woe betide you if you indulge in any sort of “active politics” whatsoever while you’re a student! (And the same goes for lecturers).

I showed this story to the guys that work at the bar here, my jaw on the floor in disbelief, and it provoked a fascinating discussion about politics and the law (both state and Muslim), and what is and isn’t allowed here. And yes, students are not allowed to be politically active, nor do they have the vote here until they’re 21 (I was also told that no students of any age - including mature ones - are allowed to vote, either **Update: see comment from Suraya below**).

I certainly don’t mean to criticise Malaysia or its wonderful people (only its ruling party ;-0), and I’m certainly no patriot. But sometimes - as I have also found travelling to America - I feel very lucky to live in liberal Britain, where we can vote at 18; where same-sex unions are recognised; where there is no death penalty; and where political debate and analysis is open and virulent and sometimes, yes, bloody.

That said, the New Straits Times‘ arts coverage is impeccable.

It’s 0200 hours. What does the ‘O’ stand for? O my god, it’s late.

So I’ll keep this one brief.

After invitations to sing in Guangzhou (China) and Jakarta (Indonesia), there’s now another Asian location apparently crying out for the dulcet tones of Andrea Mann.

Hanoi.

In particular: a posh hotel in Hanoi. And I know it’s posh because it’s ranked fourth out of 196 hotels in Hanoi on TripAdvisor.com.

I think from now on I may make it my new policy never to play at any hotel rated lower than fifth on TripAdvisor. Especially if there’s only five hotels in said town. But I digress.

This hotel in Hanoi would like me to play there for two months - and soon.

I’ve told T that I don’t really want to go away again for that length of time so quickly after my time here. But I don’t get off that easily, ohhh no. Hanoi is calling, and if I can’t do it soon, then apparently they want me there in November and December.

I’m seriously thinking of going.

At this rate, I may end up the British jazz equivalent of the Fun Lovin’ Criminals, ie. famous in Asia but unheard of back home (no one in America knows the FLC, although no one in Britain would know that). Maybe I’ll become Asian Famous. Which, like being Jazz Famous, isn’t that famous at all. Or maybe, better still, I’ll become Asian Jazz Famous, which is less famous than both Asian Famous and Jazz Famous.

Actually, I took another step to becoming Asian (Jazz) Famous in the bar tonight, when I was interviewed in my break by a journalist from the New Straits Times, a national newspaper described to me as “the Malaysian Daily Telegraph“. It was fun. He asked me questions, I plugged T’s agency, he didn’t make many notes, I told him how to spell ‘Brad Mehldau’… And so on.

Who knows. Maybe I’ll become so Asian (Jazz) Famous that I will actually, one day, be Big In Japan. Now that would be fantastic.

Just a quick line before today’s outing. V is currently having some sort of turbo massage in the hotel’s spa, and I’m about to do the set list for tonight (and am currently typing this on her Macbook Pro - oh joy!).  Because this afternoon, we’re off to the beach.

A1  - the lovely woman with the deep laugh - is picking us up at 1pm to take us to Batu Ferringhi, Penang’s main (as in: nicest) beach.  Yes, it may look like there’s a beach outside of my window, but in fact, it’s mud:

Whereas Batu Ferringhi, it would seem, looks like a Bounty advert:

I’m imagining it to be something like Ibiza… And funnily enough, they used to film Bounty adverts on Ibiza (or rather, on nearby Formentera). Fancy that.

I’ll be back with pictures, and a beach ball, later. 

Malaysian currency - ringgits and sens (as in ‘cents’) - really is rather good. 

For these two reasons:

1. The notes are all different sizes and colours according to their denomination; and the coins are similarly logically sized/coloured. On the very first day I used both notes and coins, at a supermarket, I found myself paying for something as quickly as a native. This is as opposed to any time I’m in America, when I stand deliberating like a tourist (or in the case of notes: a native), trying to work out the denomination of each note and the value of each coin. It could possibly be the world’s simplest currency. 

2. One Malaysian Ringgit is roughly equal to 15 British pence - which means that you think you’re spending a lot, when in fact you’re spending very little. As a result, you find yourself curbing your spending (even though goods are much cheaper over here) as your brain thinks that 50 Ringgits is a fortune, when actually it’s about five quid. This is very helpful when you are, as I am, up financial poo creek without a Ringgit.  


(PS. I was originally going to call this post ‘Notes From A Small Island’ - which, thinking about it, could have been a good alternative title for the blog. Maybe that’s what I’ll call my next one, should I ever find myself singing in Corsica/Sicily/Anglesey).  

After Sugar Cane Special, here were the steps involved in yesterday’s lunchtime outing with Tennis S and Italian-German C, a woman who’s staying in the hotel, too.

First, food in a restaurant in Georgetown’s ‘Little India’, a fascinating area full of ramshackle shops and eateries and bright colours and Indian smells. We went for a famous banana leaf-style lunch (as opposed to a famous curry fish head), which goes something like this:

1. Place banana leaf on table.

2. Add rice:

3. Add dahl:

4. Add condiments and a piece of fried fish or mutton curry, according to degree of carnivoriousness:

5. Eat the following with your fingers (yes, fingers. Brick Lane Curry Nights will never be the same again):

6. Fold banana leaf to show that you’re done:

(Handily doubles up as a clutch bag.)

And for afters? Why, trying drinking a coconut!

Before:

During, part one:

During, part two:

During, part three:

After:

This is hard core coconut drinking, too. The coconut isn’t ripe - hence being green, as opposed to brown and hairy - and so the resulting liquid isn’t milk-like and coconut-tasting, but clear, and well, slightly sweet and nutty tasting. I can’t say I’m a huge fan, but still. At least now I’ve had coconut in more forms than a) a korma and b) a Bounty bar.

Oh, and look: there was a lovely man wearing a traditional Malaysian outfit in the exact same colour as a coconut. And he didn’t seem to be insulted by me making that observation, either:

It doesn’t look like my planned excursion tonight is happening, so I thought I’d look to see what’s on at the cinema next door. Its website handily includes details of the film classification system used over here in Malaysia. Which is:

U - General viewing for all ages

18SG - For 18+ with non-excessive violent/ horrifying scene

18SX - For 18+ with non-excessive sex scenes

18PA - For 18+ with political/ religious/ counter-culture elements

18PL - For 18+ with a combination of two or more elements

Guess what Sweeney Todd is? 18PL. Presumably ‘two or more elements’ could include ’singing’.

And come to think of it, isn’t ‘two or more’ a little vague? What if you’re really offended by sex and violence, but not counter-culture or religious, elements? How do you know that the movie you’ve chosen is going to include the two you’re offended/not offended by?

Re-reading the classification list, I also think they mean ‘excessive’ as opposed to ‘non-excessive’. Otherwise, presumably, films which feature non-excessive sex and violence - such as Bambi, say, and The Sound Of Music - would be rated 18PL. Or are films in Malaysia usually sexual and violent, so they only have to warn you about the ones that aren’t?

It’s all very confusing. Maybe I’ll just stay in and watch Night At The Museum on the TV instead.